never lasting nights

Guinevere Van Seenus - Vogue UK by Tim Walker, August 2006

I feel tired, exhausted . . I really feel like sleeping . . A deep pain I feel in my heart . . I think it is a pain in my heart, but I don’t know if it exists. .  I roll over my blanket. Ride my pillows. Squeeze my teddy bears. I relax for couple of moments, but I reach to a bad conclusion. "Why did I do this today." I close my eyes, bend my legs, relax my hands and I feel the regret. I try to get over it, but I can't. I cuddle up and close my eyes very tight, wishing this moment I will win, but I hear voices. I try to get over it, but I can't. I open my hair. I smell my shampoo that makes me twinkle and smile. My eyes open wide and my mind goes no! I sit on my bed playing with my hair and staring at my room walls. Yes! Why not place a picture here? Or get a new dressing table? Oh! I remember I bought a new frame that will fit this free space perfectly. .  shall I look for it now? or tomorrow when I wake up? I roll over and hug my pillow and wish I’d sleep. I never know how it ended . . .